After our brief two-night adventure exploring Salzburg, it was time to head back to Munich for our final night in Bavaria, and having seen firsthand just how busy the RE5 train was coming down from Munich in the first place, we made sure to get the train station in plenty of time ahead of our 11:05am departure.

Salzburg’s train station is surprisingly pleasant, with a wealth of food and beverage options, and a nice glass front to it allowing plenty of light in that cascades down the main hallway.

We found seats – thankfully – and set off on-time, once again on a pretty busy service and we made it…all the way to the first stop, Teisendorf, before things started to fall slightly sideways. And by slightly, I mean in a way I have not ever before seen such a level of complete carelessness or attempt to fix a situation from any other public transport utility worldwide.

I have had plenty of issues with German rail before; let’s not forget I did live in Frankfurt for a year, and commute to Wiesbaden for work everyday, but this was almost surreal, like perhaps I was in The Truman Show or something.

In German only (again, grateful for my one year of picking up very poor German language skills), we were told the train could go no further and would be returning to Salzburg, so everyone get off – more or less – and another train would eventually come pick us up, or we could return to Salzburg.

With the promise of another train, we all decanted at breakneck speed, only to wind up standing on what was an exceptionally hot day on the platform. As always in these situations, it was fascinating to watch the level of ferality that quickly took hold; some of us munched on whatever snacks we had, an elderly couple sat on their suitcases, some youth blasted music nobody else wanted to hear and a man easily in his 20’s hopped over the track and took a pee facing away from us but in otherwise full view (there were several very suitable toilets on-board the train – which remained at our side).

After we’d baked in the sun for an appropriate amount of time, the lady inspector stepped off, yelled up the platform, and everyone (including us, because, you know, herd mentality) raced back on. And with that, we started moving once again, in the right direction.

Next, and what would turn out to be the final, stop, Traunstein. Have you heard of it? Neither had we. As we approached, the train manager provided an announcement which I actually thought I misheard in German, but when she gave it in English, I realised no I hadn’t misheard, it was really just that poor. The train would be terminating at Traunstein, there would be no other trains further on due to an ‘incident’, and there would be a rail replacement bus, one, and it was certain that we wouldn’t all fit on. It’d be unlikely there’d be any more than one bus, because it was a Sunday.

Why would you make this survival of the fittest announcement and effectively encourage a dangerous on-platform scramble? It was ridiculous – old people nearly knocked over in the rush, anyone whose luggage was up on the overhead rack desperately trying to get their bag down while the train was still moving, and then people literally falling over each other’s suitcases to get quickly down the platform and towards the bus stop.

Vannesha was initially interested in pursuing this, but it felt to me like a nice kebab and a beer, or even a glass of wine, would be a more sensible option, especially after seeing the several busloads of passengers left behind at the bus station, the blazing heat, the lack of any queue or co-ordination by railway staff. Effectively, every man for themselves, and all seemingly because it was a Sunday? In 2026?

You didn’t ask, but Traunstein is an odd place – we wandered around briefly, before settling at a local restaurant a 5 minute walk from the train station. We were given English menus and then duly ignored for over 30 minutes. Seeing that several other tables were having the same issue, we just left.

Eventually, we wandered over to the bus station sometime after 2pm, crowded forward when a bus arrived like everyone else, and more through intertia than intent, got shoved onto a bus to who knows where.

No idea if our tickets were valid, but also there was no way a ticket inspector was going to be able to board to find out. And so, we crawled along, unbelievably still stopping en-route in every town along the way to board anyone else who wanted to get on despite the fact that the bus was slammed right to the doors.

We drove alongside a beautiful lake, while inhaling the horrific odour resulting from a significant percentage of our fellow passengers having not applied the appropriate amount of deodorant that morning relative to the blazing heat and the bus’ inadequate air conditioning.

Eventually, we arrived at Prien am Chiemsee – heard of it? No, neither had we, but there we were sometime just before 4pm.

We stood there, once again in the blazing heat, several of us huddled under a billboard for shade, waiting as the next train was delayed several times before after 40 minutes – surely not, no it couldn’t be – a train!

It was full, but nothing was going to stop any of us and we all hurled forward into whatever tiny crevice of space was left available.

Unbelievably our train journey had turned into a pan-Bavaria tour of towns we’d never heard of and had no intention of visiting, a 2-hour journey had turned into a 7-hour spectacular involving much walking, trains, a bus, and being abandoned in a restaurant, and we ultimately arrived in Munich with barely enough time to check in, shower and head back out again.

Overall, I think it’s safe to say that after this trip and our previous a year or two ago to Heidelberg when – once again – the train going down ended up being replaced by a bus, we might plan Germany itineraries minus any type of train travel for the near-term foreseeable future!